This is a funny song. I kind of agree that the whole antenna issue is overrated.

On my trip to Florida this weekend, every flight was full. I could not even get a boarding pass, until I reached the gate. Only from Indianapolis to Atlanta did I see empty seats and they were not many. I have already provided my frustration with the TSA. (Remember? Find people, not things).

I flew Delta on the way down and am returning US Airways on the return. The trip to Atlanta was short and sweet. Atlanta Airport was busy on Saturday morning. The foot traffic seemed non-stop in the airport and it was hard to find any place to sit. There were lines for food and coffee. I am thinking to myself, “I thought we were in a recession?”

I show up at the gate for my connecting flight to West Palm Beach looking for a seat. The gate agent says, “Well, you have to wait. The flight is overbooked and I requested volunteers. I think I have enough and you should get on the flight.” I say, “Ok fine, just please don’t stick me in a middle seat.” (When God wants to punish you, he sticks you in a middle seat). To add a little drama to the trip, we had a delay. The flight attendant assigned to our flight was injured on her previous flight. They had to look for a replacement.

I got on Facebook and asked a former classmate from High School who is a flight attendant, if she is available. Did not sound like it. She sounded like she had her own problems and was not about to give me any sympathy. She ignored me.

So, you know how it is when a flight is delayed and people are waiting. The waiting area is overflowing with bodies, there is no place to sit and I need a plug to charge my laptop. So, I decide to occupy some space in front of the window because it appears a seat is empty. Someone was saving it for their friend. No problem, I will just stand here. Luckily a guy gave me his seat, so he could find a plug. I decided I would rather eat my bagel and egg sandwich than find a plug.

I have to say, I like Delta’s standby board. I could see that a seat was assigned to me. All I had was my printed receipt that I had printed off before I left Indy. I just handed it to him when I was boarding and he printed off my seat assignment for me. So, I have to give the airlines credit, they have gotten more efficient in processing passengers at the gate, once it is time to board. (I know you road warriors out there are probably saying, well, duh and others may not agree).

You have to understand. Back in the day. They would pull your ticket, rubber band them, throw them into a bag. The bag would be sent to Barbados. They had an office workers key punch the ticket info into the back office system. Revenue would be posted a few days later. (What happened to all those keypunch operators in Barbados?)

We finally boarded the plane and were on our way. I arrived 45 minutes late. My Brother was waiting for me. As we started heading to his car, he got lost in the garage. (My brother is notorious for getting lost – so it was just a loving reminder of his being navigationally challenged). We back tracked and figured out where he parked. We were on our way.

For the return, there was drama too. I arrived at the airport on time. Since they took my shaving cream, I made it through security unscathed and grumpy. I had to make the sarcastic comment that I feel so much safer now having gone through security.

On to the gate! Well, my partner was with me. I leave him at Airtran and look for an outlet to plug my laptop so I could juice my phone. So, I head down to my gate, plug in all my devices to charge them up. He walks down. His flight is delayed because the afternoon Floridian thunderstorm shows up to wreak havoc on air traffic at Ft. Lauderdale.

Well, my flight is on-time. Crap – no it’s not. 20 minute delay? No problem with that. The flight is full! Every seat! So, I am happy, I have an aisle seat. I get back to my seat and there is a family sitting in it. The guy asks me, if I would switch seats. I reluctantly agree.

Now, everyone is coming onto the plane. All the seats are screwed up in the back. He sent me to the wrong row and I am sitting in someone else’s seat. I am mad at myself. I am thinking, Paul, used to be a pro. You know better. When the flight is full, you have to just sit in your assigned seat and make the deals after everyone has sat down.

Luckily it has worked out. I am still en route to my connection in Charlotte. We are running really tight. I have 15 minutes to get to my connection when I land. So, this story is not over. If I make the connection, no problems. If not, I am screwed because the delay was weather related. Based on what the Pilot is saying, we are getting no breaks to make up our time. There is rain slowing things down now.

Well, we landed. Everyone should have been able to make their flight. I had to go from concourse B at the end to Concourse C towards the end. It felt like a half mile walk.

Between the carriers, I found Delta’s people far more friendlier than the US Air crews. The flight attendants on the US Air flights seem cranky and scolding in a Sister Mary Elephant way. “Class, you need to turn those cell phones off now!” “Class, turn those cell phones off!” “TURN THOSE CELL PHONES OFF NOW!” – thaaank you.

I fell asleep on my leg from Charlotte to Indianapolis. I like to listen to music. They start the decent and I am finishing up a song. “Sir….turn your music off.” I roll my eyes. Let me finish my song.

The weekend adventure was over. I got off the plane, turned on Porcupine Tree and waited for my ride. The memory of flying over the weekend kept bringing me back to MOO. I miss the old days before all the rules, fears and baggage fees.

On Saturday, I took my daughter and her friend to Cincinnati to see Porcupine Tree.

They are a band based out of England that is a throwback to 70s concept bands that produce a body of work through albums versus individual songs. This was the first time we got to see them live, so it was a real treat.

The band played the whole of the current album The Incident. It is a story of life and the bad things that happen along the way.

The venue was Bogarts in Cincinnati. It is located right off the campus of the University of Cincinnati. It is a strange part of town. Broad Ripple in Indianapolis is Vanilla compared to this part of town. It seemed a little rougher around the edges. The concert was general admission. For all the older people there, standing up for a whole concert was kind of challenging. I was sore at the end of the show. For the kids, it was an amazing experience to watch their musical heroes perform only a few feet from the stage.

(I went up to the balcony where all my fellow 70s leftovers were hanging out).

The crowd was quite mixed. There were people wearing Rush T-shirts, Pink Floyd T-shirts. The age of the crowd ranged from teenagers like my daughter to guys and gals in their mid-50s.

The sound was excellent. It was not too loud and it sounded very clean. The band is very tight.

Steven Wilson is the lead for the band. He is a musical prodigy having recorded his first album at a very young age in his teens. He writes all their music. He plays guitars and keyboards.

Colin Edwin is the bass player. He actually moves pretty well for an English bloke. So much so, that a women took off her bra and threw it up to him at the end. He has done a lot of projects and has played with some pretty well known people.

Richard Barbieri is the old guy on the keyboards. He is a throwback to Richard Wright of Pink Floyd

. His keyboards and synthesizers provide a subtle but important background to the guitars and drums.

Gavin Harrison is got to be one of the best drummers alive. He is a one of a kind drummer. He does not sound like anyone. He has this melodic approach to drums and use of cymbals are fantastic. He is a drummer that knows how to use a double bass. Just seeing him play was the great pleasure for me. He is an amazing drummer.

Here is the rest of their tour schedule. If you want to experience a great evening of excellent music performed by great musicians, Porcupine Tree can deliver a show.

May 04 2010  BUFFALO, USA: Town Ballroom
May 06 2010  QUEBEC CITY, Canada: Capitole Du Quebec
May 07 2010  MONTREAL, Canada: Place De Arts
May 08 2010  TORONTO, Canada: Sound Academy
May 10 2010  PITTSBURGH: Mr. Smalls
May 11 2010  RICHMOND: The National Theater
June 2010
Jun 09 2010  BERGEN: Ole Bull Scene
Jun 10 2010  OSLO: Norwegian Wood
Jun 12 2010  SWITZERLAND: Greenfield Festival
Jun 13 2010  DONNINGTON PARK: Download Festival
Jun 19 2010  GERMANY: Hurricane Festival
Jun 20 2010  GERMANY: Southside Festival
July 2010
Jul 01 2010  DENMARK: Roskilde Festival
Jul 03 2010  BELGIUM: Rock Werchter Festival
Jul 07 2010  TEL AVIV, Israel: Exhibition Grounds
Jul 10 2010  FINLAND: Ruisrock Festival
Jul 14 2010  ITALY: Pistoia Blues Festival
Jul 16 2010  CZECH REPUBLIC: Colours of Ostrava
September 2010
Sep 24 2010  NEW YORK: Radio City Music Hall

Great show, great band and it does not cost an arm and a leg – $22.00 at the Bogart. (Plus all the ticketing non-sense)

Last night I had the pleasure of escorting my 16 year old daughter to the Emerson and Lake concert here in Indianapolis. Palmer could not make it, so they sent Memorex in his place.

Being a drummer, I was a little disappointed because I have never seen the Palmer of the trio perform. That being said, it was still worth it because Keith Emerson is a freak on the keyboards. When I see talent like his, I can’t help but admire the gift of music and the musicians that can express themselves through their art.

It was a cool concert because the venue was small. The stage setup was a recording studio with the guy behind in the booth. Yet, the stage had the feeling like a couple of guys playing in your living room. They played some of their popular songs that featured Greg Lake on acoustic guitar and of course Keith Emerson’s myriad of keyboards.

They even took questions from the audience. One guy was like the annoying kid at school who sits on the edge of his desk raising his hand, going “Teacher…teacher..me me!” The other notable feature of the night was the annoying blond woman in front of us that would not sit down. She had obviously been drinking for most of the evening and was toasted by the end of the show. As both my daughter and I are musicians, it was annoying because we really wanted to see them perform.

(We have a history of being stuck behind idiots at concerts. Our Rush experience together was also tainted with a drunken blond in front of us. Then she reminded of the drunken woman at the Kansas concert several years ago. While I did not remember it when she mentioned it, the cobwebs cleared and I recall what she was talking about).

The highlight for my daughter was concluding the show with “Pirates”. It is off their Works album and one of the best ELP songs ever. They told us a funny story about how Leonard Bernstein was in Paris when they were recording it. They shared it with him and his response was, “The singer is pretty good.” As for the rest of it, he shook his head in disgust.

They are touring all over the US, so if you are interested, I say it is worth the admission. Tour information can be found at www.greglake.com
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Got this through email, I found it quit funny:

Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment.

This is a very exciting new program. I will explain it using the Q and A  format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A.. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by  spending your stimulus check wisely.

• If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
• If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
• If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
• If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .
• If you buy a car, it will go to Japan .
• If you buy usless stuff, your money will go to Taiwan..
• If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1. spending it at yard sales, or
2. going to ball games, or
3. spending it on prostitutes, or
4. beer or
5. tattoos.

Simple, but humorous look at life in the United States.

Dont know who the author is.  Will give he/she credit if told.

This has floated on the Internet enough, but I still think it is pretty funny.

NICKNAMES

• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

• A man has seven items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, shampoo and a towel…
• The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

OFFSPRING

• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it .. and to the men who will enjoy reading it.